Updated: 2 days ago
How many of us, if given a chance to go back in time and change a decision, would jack up and do it right now? I’m guessing quite a few, as regret is a staple of the human condition. We make decisions quicker than hell. We get carried away by our emotions so much that we completely forget we have to deal with its consequences too. Feeling is a vital part of being human. Feelings are never the problem. They are actually chemical cascades that our body releases when reacting to life. The problem occurs when we make rapid decisions based on our feelings.
So like many others even I made some gut wrenching choices, the ones that haunted me for years. But over the years I realised, “we win some, we learn some”. ☺ I love this idea that we never really lose when we make the wrong choice but gain experience, wisdom and hopefully a little compassion for when we see others making the same choices. Honestly, the decisions that I call “wrong” today have made me a better person. They’ve made me more humble and grounded.
This was in 2014 when college was about to get over and the three years passed in a flash. We were a gang of three and the two knew what they were going to do after graduation which was not even a month away. I on the other hand didn’t have enough of college life and was too lazy to think about the future. The thought of applying for masters in colleges scared the hell out of me as I had to put in the extra effort of studying for entrances which I hated. I felt it was all happening very fast and I wasn’t ready for it. So overnight decided to drop a year to only decide what I really wanted to do. It took a lot to go and tell my parents that I wasn’t ready for the next phase of life already. Coming from a middle class family my parents didn’t see that coming. They had already planned how I’d enrol into masters, get over with it in another two years and get a job. I decided to take up coaching for UPSC exams just so that parents didn’t think I was wasting my time doing nothing. Also because it sounded fancy. So while the world around me was chasing their dreams I started worrying about not having one. Parents gave in to my decision because they had no other choice. Not because I was a rebel but because they had always given me the space to figure out life for myself.
Though my mother knew I wasn’t ready for something as big as UPSC and she tried stopping me too but I had convinced my dad till then and the my mind was already made. The very next day I went with dad and got myself enrolled into a very famous coaching institute that charged us a bomb! I didn’t realise what I was doing until 6 months passed and I got bored of the coaching and being home all the time surrounded by books. God! That just wasn’t me. I couldn’t even quit now as I had invested everything biggest being ONE YEAR and 2 lakhs. But I couldn’t pretend anymore. We started having fights at home because mom started yelling at me for not studying and wasting time on phone, and in front of the TV. Moreover I realised I wasn’t meant for this and had done a blunder. But it was too late. Friends around me were doing great. Some got a job and some enrolled into masters and I was stumbling. The feeling of being useless started dawning upon me and it was the worst thing ever. Daily fights at home and losing out on relationships was turning me into a negative person. I couldn’t bear it. It frightened me so much so that I started giving random interviews to feel good about myself. The first interview I gave bagged me a job of 20k which was okay for a graduate. Working in that MNC made me realise I wasn’t meant for this. I quit the job in two months and was back where I started. I didn’t know what to do. My perception about me was changing. I was this strong, positive, confident girl who was turning into a bundle of negative thoughts. I repel negative. The worst part was that I myself became what I hated. Life changed in 2015 when I applied in different schools and got a call from Lady Irwin School.
When I cleared the interview , I felt positive after a long span of time. When I entered the classroom for the first time to give my demo, the beautiful faces of the children I saw gave me a positive energy. The demo kicked off and I realised this is where I want to be, this is what I want to do. I didn’t settle for it because I had given up on UPSC and had nothing to do. But the moment I started teaching ,It felt like I had come back home ☺ It was the best feeling in the world.
I revisited the memories I had as a 5 year old who’d get back home from school, dress as a teacher pick a chalk and teach her teddy bears. I didn’t want to be anything else then but a teacher. I wonder why it took me so much time to figure out what I was meant to do in life. I am very grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to teach in such a reputed school that too as a fresher who was only a graduate. I have completed my masters and am planning further studies. ☺ I’m a teacher by profession and love my job to bits. The confusion I had in the initial stage of my career life has moulded me into a better person, it has taught me never to take decisions in haste, never to take a step by getting carried away by feelings and the most of all, it has made me a HAPPY person.
I don’t know if I didn’t make that decision that day would I value what I do today? Would I be thankful to God for where I am today? Would I become the person I was destined to become? What I feel is that our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by number of times WE RISE UP,DUST OURSELVES OFF AND MOVE FORWARD. Even today at times I find myself at crossroads often in life. Wondering which road to take, and the beauty of it is each road teaches you something the other may not.So the overall experience will always lead to growth Therefore enjoy the confusion and remember bad decisions make great experiences and eventually everything falls into place. ☺